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Scrub Tech Would Rather Eat $%#@ Than Hand You Kelly Clamp. Freddy Grover, scrub tech, has previously come to similar conclusions while working on your surgical team over the last 4 months. His objections to your "clumsy" anterior neck dissections, and obvious over-reliance electro-caudery are often expresssed by dissapproving grunts. Last week he began handing you the instruments he would use, instead of the ones you asked for. You're also fairly certain you heard him mutter the word "amature," under his breath as blood loss during a bi-level lumbar fusion crept past 100 milliliters.
Freddy is not alone in his disdain of your surgical skill. Apprently, the last surgeon he worked with would never have approved of you techniques either. Yesterday you had to relieve him of his duties during spinal decompression after he began whispering "Gently, gently, we can do this, even if it takes us 45 minutes longer than most experienced surgeons," and began steadying your hand with his.
Freddy is confident that his extensive community college education and experience will ultimately prove him right. He has put in literally months of post graduate education, and has worked in the operating rooms of more than 6 hospitals in tne last 2 years. Freddy is offended you won't let him hold the nerve root retractors, and he would rather eat $#!@ than hand you the Kelly clamp. |
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 Personal Differences Openly Exlpored in Progress Note.
The hopitals lawyers were recently put on full alert after local surgeon, Jim Ryan's decade long crusade of openly impuning staff members through progress notes was discovered by hospital administrators. What started as subtle jibes at his perceptions of the short-comings in the performance and opinions of junior staff membes has escalated over the last few months after Dr.Ryan and his ex-wife, a former nurse, utilized progress notes to openly explore their divorce.
Dr. Ryan has used patients charts to discuss such topics as who he suspects of having been dropped as a child and is unafraid to explore metaphors involving other consultants and various aspects of feces. Last week he accused an Oncologist of being a panzy and of having "generally bad hair." More recently he referred to an uncooperative internist as a "surprisingly large @#$hole for such a small person."
The nursing staff seems to bear the brunt of his Ire however. Orders such as "I'm sorry, I meant weigh the patient, not rip off their dressing and agitate their wound," or "Do not page me if: you have a question about the patient, are from another country, or have a small chest," or "Notfiy your lawyer at once because if the patient has a bad outcome it is your fault."
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Obituary
Your Charity was your latest sensibility to be replaced by a widely metastatic case of ambition. The demise came when you realized that you were a 30 year old resident, working 80 hours per week for minimum wage, in debt over$100,000, with no savings, and that as a modern primary care physician, there would no longer be time for you to care about people anyway. |
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 Boards Rediculously Simple, Patient Interaction Arduously Complex.
Intern Germaine Haywood Jr, who was well known in medical school for his gargantuan intellect has had some difficulty with the transition from academia to clinical practice. Although Germaine scored in the 99th percentile on his boards, he has had increasing difficulty with patient interaction.
Clinic supervisor Dr. Randy Potts, "Working with Germaine has been awkward at times. Just last week he attempted to increase his efficiency by performing bilateral, simultaneous breast exams. One of the women he saw thought she heard him mumble the word 'squishy,' during her exam. He's also passed out twice now trying to do pap smears."
While some patients appreciate the tax advice he routinely offers them, others find Germaine's avoidance of door nobs and his apparent fear of physical contact frustrating. "It's true," explained Dr. Potts, "Germaine has a habit of not only asking for a nurse to chaperone even routine exams, but often to perform them for him. She also has to open the door for him to leave sometimes so he doesn't get trapped. "
Dr. Haywood has been the first to confess that development of even fundamental social skills have been neglected in the past in lieu of other pursuits. Some of his favorite past-times include searching tomes of tax code for grammatical errors and recalculating pi.
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