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What Gives, The Hospital is Not at All Like Scrubs. |
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By Jennifer Burtrand, Medical Student, Tri-Delta. |
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Everybody totally knows that being a doctor isn't like ER. I'm sure, that show is so 1998. But last week, during my first inpatient rotation, I was totally geeked to find out that my hospital is |
nothing like Scrubs either. Whatever! Okay?
The janitor is totally not zaney. He complety ignored my attempts to make him slip on medical waste. Then, when he caught me trying to booby trap his supply cart with hypodermic needles he called security instead of chasing me down the hall with his bottle of cleanser and mop.
Its been almost a week and none of the attending physician's ex-spouses have porpositioned me for sex. Infact, I havent even done it in the hospital with anyone yet. That is so totally not like Scrubs. Or college. I'm sure.
The patients were super old and didn't wear deoderant. I would walk in and be like "You're like not going to make it. Okay? I'd let you cry on my shoulder but you smell really heinous right now."
The residents are completely lame. Yesterday I was like, "Hey lets steal alot of pudding, form a barber-shop quartet, and then we can have a towel fight in the locker room," and they were like, "What?" So I said "Huh?" And they were just like "Uh. . .?" So I was all "Whatever!" Then they just stared at me until the Intern said "Its not enough like scrubs for you is it?" And I was like "Whatever!" again, "Okay?"
The only one who was even close to the show, was my attending doctor. He was EXACTLY like Dr. Cox! He was all "You're going to be a terrible doctor. Please don't interact with the patients anymore." Totally awesome! I was all, "Thanks for the pep talk Dr. Cox." So then he was like "I don't know who Dr. Cox is, but if I see you here again I'll have security put you in hand-cuffs."
Whatever, at least they got one thing right! I'll totally give it one more chance. If it doesn't work out, I'll probably just become a drug rep, okay?
I'm sure,
Jennifer Burtrand |
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Letter from the Editor. Hello and welcome to Hippocritis (pron. sfinktor)- a website for all things medically humorous. Because your weary noggin needs soothing. Consider this. By the time you finish training you will have spent one third of your life contemplating things like diarrhea. When you need to take your mind off poo, this is where to do it. We guarantee 35% less poo material than we initially intended to publish. The content of this edition relies heavily on the experiences and imagination of the three of us . However, it is our intention that much of the content in future editions will be provided by you, the reader. We know you have needs . So each useable submission will be rewarded with underwear that has something like “I submitted to Hippocritis and all I got was the clap” printed across the bum. So finish that disimpaction, wash the MRSA from your hands, crack open a stolen soda and poke around our site. Remember, you need your peers' approval on a personal level to make you happy. And that's what submitting to Hippocritis is all about. To submit, click on the “ Submissions ” link and send us your stuff. Sincerely |
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Steve Jay Josh |
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