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Study Confirms White Coat Overcomes Even Critical Dork levels.

           Joshua Delmar , first year medical student, was the subject of the investigation conducted by his classmates at the University of North Caorlina last month. Like all good studies, it began as a wager.  Odds were put at 5:1 that even with the celebrated "white coat aphrodesiac", the well known uber-dork and gunner, would never copulate.
         The study was conducted by placing Joshua in a local club on Friday night in his medical student attire.  The results were stunning. Joshua Delmar, who typically begins conversations by talking about his GPA or his affection for the hypothalmus, was instantly smothered in a throng women consisting primarily of sorority sisters, and women over the age of 30.  The effect was only amplified an hour later after an innebriated Delmar began crying and admitted he was a virgin. 
       Mr. Delmar has no recollection of the night's events, but was suspicious of foul play when he developed a rash the following week.  Plans have been made for further testing by Delmar's classmates, who intend to study the effects of having Joshua's license plate changed to "DOCTR2BE."

Drug Rep Insists Celebrex is Safe, Conducts Clinical Safety Trial on Himself.

        Rodney Peterson, a long time celebrex drug rep, sought todispel recent concerns that the drug increased the risk of heart attacks by releasing the results of his own clinical trail. "I've been taking three grams of celebrex every day for six months. I am totally arthritis free, and I havent had a single large heart attack."
              Detractors point out that Mr. Peterson has been on dialysis for the last six weeks after his kidnies failed, has suffered two small strokes, and required endoscopy twice to cauterize bleeding stomach ulcers.
              Undaunted, Rodney insists the results of his own personal experiment have boosted his sales back to almost 10% of 2003 levels.  "Seriously, I'm practiaclly giving this stuff away with my two for one special, and free car wash offer.  Also, I am willing to baby sit your children, feed your cat, or put a hit out on an ex-spouse for orders larger than four bottles." 
              Mr. Peterson admits that his study results may be skewed, and his sales tactics may sound extreme, but that they are all well within accepted drug industry standards. Indeed.