Farewell Mrs. Schiavo,
We bid you farewell Mrs. Schiavo. And we apologize. We are terribly sorry we became so preoccupied with the physical demise of the body from which your mind and soul had departed 15 years ago, that we barely noticed hundreds of people who died in an earthquake last week. Our preoccupation with your condition has lessened our level of concern for the victims of genocide, infantacide, starvation and torture, of whom we harldy seem to take notice already. Perhaps because these things occur at a more remote distance from DisneyLand.
Some have suggested that despite massive, irreversible, brain damage and having been in a persistant vegitative state for over a decade, you spoke again recently. We’re sorry we didn’t hear it. Or the numerous knock-knock jokes you must have contrived to save your sanity as you lay paralyzed in a diaper, straining not to choke on your own secretions while you experienced pneumonias, UTIs, painful medical procedures and bed sores.
We beg your pardon for the failure of modern medicine to cure your condition, to reach a consensus, and to educate the public. And that in our lust for protecting life, we violated your apparent wishes, legally commiting assault and battery upon you.
We regret most deeply, that in our haste to protect God’s most precious creation, we may have kept you from him. Fearing his anger, as if somehow he might not be happy to see you in heaven. Or that you might prefer a feeding tube to wings.
For all of these things, we at hippocritis.com, apologize.
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Letter from the Editor. Hello and welcome to Hippocritis (pron. sfinktor)- a website for all things medically humorous. Because your weary noggin needs soothing. Consider this. By the time you finish training you will have spent one third of your life contemplating things like diarrhea. When you need to take your mind off poo, this is where to do it. We guarantee 35% less poo material than we initially intended to publish. The content of this edition relies heavily on the experiences and imagination of the three of us . However, it is our intention that much of the content in future editions will be provided by you, the reader. We know you have needs . So each useable submission will be rewarded with underwear that has something like “I submitted to Hippocritis and all I got was the clap” printed across the bum. So finish that disimpaction, wash the MRSA from your hands, crack open a stolen soda and poke around our site. Remember, you need your peers' approval on a personal level to make you happy. And that's what submitting to Hippocritis is all about. To submit, click on the “ Submissions ” link and send us your stuff. Sincerely |
